The Reality of the Jump

A life full of adventure. Thriving on adrenaline. The excitement of what comes next filling every thought. Thinking if I’ve come this far and seen this much what could possibly be in the paper work for the future. Then, there it is… the edge, staring over I see nothing but the long walls of the cliffs around the gaping hole. And something inside tells me its time. Only there is something else attached to my back. Something allowing me to get close enough to see over but holding me back from the jump. A feeling I’ve felt many times and settled for more than I wish. Fear. With one side attached to my back and another bound to a boulder. A boulder I do not have the strength to move. At first I am overwhelmed by the restrictions and fight with all of my strength to free myself.  Lashing out and turning in circles, thinking if only I can come up with a solution… I can do this. Then exhaustion sets in and once again I am reminded of my limited strength. My limited ability to free myself. That’s when I remember, at my end, that fear is not an option and the only way to move the boulder is to cut the rope off at its source. At the beginning of my fear. Softly a gentle voice reminds me that there is no fear in love. But that perfect love casts out fear. Images flash through my mind of the joys I have come to know the one who has always been there. The promises, the hope, the peace and the truth. I am reminded that I am no longer my own and because of that nothing can hold me back. Nothing can conquer me. But I have to trust. To trust in the one who has been faithful from the beginning of time. The one who has placed before me another yet unknown adventure. One where I do not know the ending but I know who it is that will take me there. I have a choice. To stay on the land, connected to the boulder, settling for what I see around me and the complacency of being overcome by fear. Or I can simply use the sword of truth to cut the rope and free fall into the unknown. Taking with me the promises of the one who is waiting for me at the end. As this decision should be easy I have found myself to be weak., to question and worry.  By my own strength trying to protect myself from pain and discomfort. But it’s a choice. How much time will I waste questioning hindering my actions, my duties, and hurting not only myself but those around me. So that’s it. I know there is treasure at the bottom of the jump, treasure that is worth an eternal glory. I choose to jump. Feeling the wind hit my face and hearing nothing but the loud rush of the fall.. I have no clue where I will land but I know one thing. I never want to allow fear to get in the way of love, or of life.

I wrote this as I was spending time with the Lord and reflecting on jumping into the next chapter of life. As one season ends and a new one begins, I was realizing I was facing and holding on to fears and lies that were holding me back and clouding my mind from truth. In my vulnerability I see that it is my decision to choose truth, to choose surrender, to choose to trust. Realizing the idol of control in my life had taken over without me noticing. Slipping through the cracks and building to be an issue that was holding me back. In two months I head back to the states. I have decided through His guidance that this is the next step. Leaving this place will not be easy but I know that He will continue to work in these people and that a piece of my heart will always be here with them. I will be returning to a lot of uncertainties but also to a lot of new exciting adventures. To people I love and care about dearly. Hopefully stepping into this next season with more understanding of who He is and pressing on daily receiving exactly what I need. Nothing more, nothing less. I have learned a lot about myself and about my weakness facing this transition. The areas I'm not so proud to have exposed. So this is me being vulnerable in hopes to encourage anyone who is facing uncertainties or fear.. to remind you of the One who is in control. Who's always got your back and will never leave your side. The one who is good. Who is faithful. Who loves you and who's hand stretched out the heavens. He knows every star in the sky, every hair on your head and exactly what He's doing. Take heart. My prayer is no matter what I face that I would walk in His truth, knowing I will fail and I will stumble but trusting in the One who is able to break the chains and set free those who are in captivity. I also ask that you would pray with me for the next two months here in this place, as my parents come to visit ( YAY!!) and as I walk out this transition for faith to trust and not to fear. For His ways to be made known and that I would follow accordingly. That I would remain in a place of dependence on Him and that I would be purified by His word. Once again, I am grateful for my friends and my family. I could never do this without the accountability of those around me.
One step at a time...