The Reality of the Jump

A life full of adventure. Thriving on adrenaline. The excitement of what comes next filling every thought. Thinking if I’ve come this far and seen this much what could possibly be in the paper work for the future. Then, there it is… the edge, staring over I see nothing but the long walls of the cliffs around the gaping hole. And something inside tells me its time. Only there is something else attached to my back. Something allowing me to get close enough to see over but holding me back from the jump. A feeling I’ve felt many times and settled for more than I wish. Fear. With one side attached to my back and another bound to a boulder. A boulder I do not have the strength to move. At first I am overwhelmed by the restrictions and fight with all of my strength to free myself.  Lashing out and turning in circles, thinking if only I can come up with a solution… I can do this. Then exhaustion sets in and once again I am reminded of my limited strength. My limited ability to free myself. That’s when I remember, at my end, that fear is not an option and the only way to move the boulder is to cut the rope off at its source. At the beginning of my fear. Softly a gentle voice reminds me that there is no fear in love. But that perfect love casts out fear. Images flash through my mind of the joys I have come to know the one who has always been there. The promises, the hope, the peace and the truth. I am reminded that I am no longer my own and because of that nothing can hold me back. Nothing can conquer me. But I have to trust. To trust in the one who has been faithful from the beginning of time. The one who has placed before me another yet unknown adventure. One where I do not know the ending but I know who it is that will take me there. I have a choice. To stay on the land, connected to the boulder, settling for what I see around me and the complacency of being overcome by fear. Or I can simply use the sword of truth to cut the rope and free fall into the unknown. Taking with me the promises of the one who is waiting for me at the end. As this decision should be easy I have found myself to be weak., to question and worry.  By my own strength trying to protect myself from pain and discomfort. But it’s a choice. How much time will I waste questioning hindering my actions, my duties, and hurting not only myself but those around me. So that’s it. I know there is treasure at the bottom of the jump, treasure that is worth an eternal glory. I choose to jump. Feeling the wind hit my face and hearing nothing but the loud rush of the fall.. I have no clue where I will land but I know one thing. I never want to allow fear to get in the way of love, or of life.

I wrote this as I was spending time with the Lord and reflecting on jumping into the next chapter of life. As one season ends and a new one begins, I was realizing I was facing and holding on to fears and lies that were holding me back and clouding my mind from truth. In my vulnerability I see that it is my decision to choose truth, to choose surrender, to choose to trust. Realizing the idol of control in my life had taken over without me noticing. Slipping through the cracks and building to be an issue that was holding me back. In two months I head back to the states. I have decided through His guidance that this is the next step. Leaving this place will not be easy but I know that He will continue to work in these people and that a piece of my heart will always be here with them. I will be returning to a lot of uncertainties but also to a lot of new exciting adventures. To people I love and care about dearly. Hopefully stepping into this next season with more understanding of who He is and pressing on daily receiving exactly what I need. Nothing more, nothing less. I have learned a lot about myself and about my weakness facing this transition. The areas I'm not so proud to have exposed. So this is me being vulnerable in hopes to encourage anyone who is facing uncertainties or fear.. to remind you of the One who is in control. Who's always got your back and will never leave your side. The one who is good. Who is faithful. Who loves you and who's hand stretched out the heavens. He knows every star in the sky, every hair on your head and exactly what He's doing. Take heart. My prayer is no matter what I face that I would walk in His truth, knowing I will fail and I will stumble but trusting in the One who is able to break the chains and set free those who are in captivity. I also ask that you would pray with me for the next two months here in this place, as my parents come to visit ( YAY!!) and as I walk out this transition for faith to trust and not to fear. For His ways to be made known and that I would follow accordingly. That I would remain in a place of dependence on Him and that I would be purified by His word. Once again, I am grateful for my friends and my family. I could never do this without the accountability of those around me.
One step at a time... 

A glimpse into Huangshi

So over the past few months I have taken random afternoons to walk through out my city and try to capture what is Huangshi. To give all of you more of an idea of where I live and what life is like here. Although I feel like these pictures hardly touch all that this city is but I wanted to share a little of what I see everyday.. I know it has been a really long time since I have given an update but am planning to spend the day blogging away to catch you all up! These pictures are mainly from the parts of the city directly around me..





The infamous street food that makes life so convenient when you just feel like grabbing something quick to eat... I guess you could call it the "fast food" of China! :)

This is by far one of my favorite little treats of the street vendors.. its what I like to call trash can bread and sweet potatoes. YUM! 

 

And this is the product of a construction site used at a dump...so many people, lots of trash and littering.. yep, nothing like clean trash non polluted air to breathe.. ;). Healthy right?! 

This is one of the newest buildings to go up in town. 

Street fruit vendors..one of
my favorite things in
China!

Nothing like grabbing a quick bite to eat on the side of the road for lunch..

They are very cautious drivers here in China.. cant you tell?!

Babies and grandma's hanging out in the park for the day! 

This is a picture of my students getting out of school.. you cant tell from the photo but it literally is like a stampede. 

And this is where I live.. all of the numbers you see everywhere are actually the way people advertiser here. Ha. They are all phone numbers to different businesses. 

View of the city from across the lake. 

Life has been pretty calm over the last few months. I have just been living out daily life, teaching, spending time with friends and doing life with the people around me. I am learning so much and being stretched in ways I could have never seen coming. I have found that in my weakness my flesh has revealed itself and that I am really nothing without Him. Warfare is real. And I have learned more of the truth in our fight not being against flesh and blood but things of the darkness and principalities of this world. Through this knowledge and experience I have also found the truth in His grace, faithfulness and strength. I am completely humbled when I think of everything I have gained through Him in the last eight months. I honestly can't believe its already May!! It feels unreal to think that the last year of my life has flown by, gaining experience, love, independence, confidence and what I know to be a firmer foundation in His truth. Mostly through my own failures and trials I have come to know my creator in new ways. To see His heart, the bigger picture and the eternal purpose of life. Yet I know it is all still only a tiny portion of who He really is and all that He contains. I am honestly overflowing with joy as I think about everything He is doing and all He has done. As I press in for the sweet, loving, and caring people who have taken me in as their own since I arrived, I am believing for the fruit of the work He has begun in this place. I believe in His provision and heart for these people. I believe in His truth as a savior. And I am believing for break through in His saving grace. I have learned that there is something greater in love. Something that goes beyond me. 

I am also very grateful for the body near and far that has believed in who He is in me and who has encouraged me through out each step of this journey. Your love and encouragement has helped me to see His love and faithfulness. To press on even when it felt like I couldn't. For the realness in struggle and hardships in pursuit of the finish line, always directing my vision back to who He is standing at the end. Speaking truth over and into me, building me up and pushing me on. 

I hope you've enjoyed a little glimpse into my city! 

More updates coming soon..