“Why are you cast down O, my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in Him. Praise Him. Remember His works. Deep calls out to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; your breakers and waves have gone over me. By day he commands His steadfast love, and at night His song is within me. Why are you downcast. O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in Him. I shall again praise Him. My delieverer.

Culture shock- the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.

Disorient- make someone lose their sense of direction

Make someone feel confused

“Do not swerve to the left or the right..” Prov. 4:27

It has been six weeks already! Sometimes that feels unreal and other times I would swear its been longer. The newness is wearing and now I’m trying to figure out what my focus is and how I will spend my time. This past week was my most challenging week yet. Through a serious of random events it seemed my culture shock was heightened and I was feeling very weary. It was a one thing after another kind of week. I was feeling beat up and tossed around. The worst thing is my attitude was affected the most. I found myself not wanting to leave my house and if I did, not wanting to take time to speak with anyone. It was like anything that could drive me crazy about being here was multiplied by ten. Culture shock is a typical reaction when you’re living in a foreign place especially one that is so different to who you are personally. I started questioning everything, wondering what in the world I was doing and why I was doing it. Thinking, “Dad if you’ve really placed me here I could use some serious help right about now.” That’s when I realized how distracted I had become. I was so focused on the negative things I was allowing myself to lose my sense of direction. Thankfully this week we had off school to celebrate China’s National day. Some friends came in from Wuhan for a couple days, through them and my other teammates here I was able to open up and just be real about what was going on. Having an outside perspective and some time with a group of “outsiders” was exactly what I needed. Sunday night we all just hung out and went to a great little restaurant that has some of our favorite foods. Monday we got up and went to what we like to call our “flea market”, its this really cool part of town where there are just rows and rows of little shops where you can find pretty much anything and you can bargain your price. That afternoon the ladies from Wuhan went and got a massage and then we all got our nails done( one of my favorite adventures, I’m trying to embrace China and making it a point to do crazy patterns each time). Saturday night we ate at our favorite Tea house in town that serves “western style” food and went to KTV. KTV is the equivalent to Chinese Karaoke. It was a blast, literally, you walk into this room that’s all to yourself and the music is so loud you can hardly hear the person next to you but we sang and danced for three hours to their awesome selection of English music. This seemed to be an instant pick me up.

Also this week I had the chance to attend a Chinese wedding… in the words of my teammate Kevin it was the definition of a “gong show”. I felt like I was live at a television game show. There was a host who was loud and full of energy. Lots of Star Wars, Lord of the ring kind of music, giant party poppers, bubble machines, and sparklers. It was honestly unlike anything I have ever seen before. Leslie and Camille came with me (thankfully!!) and we were the star guests. It was probably one of the most laughable moments of my life thus far. We had to make an entrance for the camera woman and mysteriously she kept coming over and awkwardly shoving the camera in our faces throughout the evening and of coarse after we arrived English music started playing over the speakers. There were about 400 people there in this restaurant, they set up all the tables with the aisle down the middle. Throughout their service many important people in their lives give speeches, and they say a few words, the parents come forward and the couple presents them with tea and the parents present them with money. It was different than what I expected but I’m glad I had a chance to see it. After the service we ate and as we were eating the parents, different family members and the couple had to go to each table and toast to their guests( again, a huge part of Chinese culture, this time without the corn juice, I was safe with SpriteJ). After dinner we left and were on our way, grateful for the experience but making “mental notes” that if we ever feel up to going to another wedding again we need to bring ear plugs (and maybe a disguise). My ears rang from how loud the speakers were for the next hour after we left.

With being off this week I have had some time to myself, to lounge and journal and spend some QT with Dad. After feeing beat up this week I realized I cant spend the next 9 months of my life with the attitude I had developed. To focus on anything less than His kingdom. I learned that many times my focus is misdirected. I think if only I can get there or have this or do that then it’ll be okay. But I’m learning that everything outside of the Kingdom is simply a means to an end. A way to get to the finish line. There is nothing I have sought in my life that has ever given me resolve or a feeling of solution. I hold these huge expectations that cannot be met by anything less than Him. I place blame outside myself or question what I heard from the beginning when in reality the end I was focused on was simply meant to be seen as a means. I lost focus of my direction. When my focus is the Kingdom everything else is seen in light of that and I’m able to see with His perception, with His heart. I am grateful and rejoice in the means He has given me but I desire to act on obedience, to “be rewarded with an increasing power to desire the ultimate reward.” –C.S. Lewis

I have an incredible team around me and honestly, I would not make it without them. Their passion and love for the Kingdom is beautiful and their ability to love beyond boundaries brings life to what sometimes feels lifeless.

Thank you for all of your pryers and support throughout these last couple months. The body is something that will always amaze me with how beautiful it really is. No matter where you are or how long you’ve known each other it is a constant love that can only flow from Him. Please just continue to pry that I would find my focus and that I would humble myself to see with His eyes and His heart. That even when its hard I would continue to push on with my focus unwavering. I have no doubt I am right where Dad wants me and as hard and impossible as it feels sometimes I would not trade that for anything. I am still unsure of my purpose here specifically but I can see that He is moving and working in me in crazy ways(even if they are challenging). I am also prying for each of you that your focus would reside on His Kingdom that you would be filled with the comforter and awakened to His heart and His passion. Please keep me updated and let me know if there is anything specifically you need pryer for. My email is always open! :)