The Reality of the Jump

A life full of adventure. Thriving on adrenaline. The excitement of what comes next filling every thought. Thinking if I’ve come this far and seen this much what could possibly be in the paper work for the future. Then, there it is… the edge, staring over I see nothing but the long walls of the cliffs around the gaping hole. And something inside tells me its time. Only there is something else attached to my back. Something allowing me to get close enough to see over but holding me back from the jump. A feeling I’ve felt many times and settled for more than I wish. Fear. With one side attached to my back and another bound to a boulder. A boulder I do not have the strength to move. At first I am overwhelmed by the restrictions and fight with all of my strength to free myself.  Lashing out and turning in circles, thinking if only I can come up with a solution… I can do this. Then exhaustion sets in and once again I am reminded of my limited strength. My limited ability to free myself. That’s when I remember, at my end, that fear is not an option and the only way to move the boulder is to cut the rope off at its source. At the beginning of my fear. Softly a gentle voice reminds me that there is no fear in love. But that perfect love casts out fear. Images flash through my mind of the joys I have come to know the one who has always been there. The promises, the hope, the peace and the truth. I am reminded that I am no longer my own and because of that nothing can hold me back. Nothing can conquer me. But I have to trust. To trust in the one who has been faithful from the beginning of time. The one who has placed before me another yet unknown adventure. One where I do not know the ending but I know who it is that will take me there. I have a choice. To stay on the land, connected to the boulder, settling for what I see around me and the complacency of being overcome by fear. Or I can simply use the sword of truth to cut the rope and free fall into the unknown. Taking with me the promises of the one who is waiting for me at the end. As this decision should be easy I have found myself to be weak., to question and worry.  By my own strength trying to protect myself from pain and discomfort. But it’s a choice. How much time will I waste questioning hindering my actions, my duties, and hurting not only myself but those around me. So that’s it. I know there is treasure at the bottom of the jump, treasure that is worth an eternal glory. I choose to jump. Feeling the wind hit my face and hearing nothing but the loud rush of the fall.. I have no clue where I will land but I know one thing. I never want to allow fear to get in the way of love, or of life.

I wrote this as I was spending time with the Lord and reflecting on jumping into the next chapter of life. As one season ends and a new one begins, I was realizing I was facing and holding on to fears and lies that were holding me back and clouding my mind from truth. In my vulnerability I see that it is my decision to choose truth, to choose surrender, to choose to trust. Realizing the idol of control in my life had taken over without me noticing. Slipping through the cracks and building to be an issue that was holding me back. In two months I head back to the states. I have decided through His guidance that this is the next step. Leaving this place will not be easy but I know that He will continue to work in these people and that a piece of my heart will always be here with them. I will be returning to a lot of uncertainties but also to a lot of new exciting adventures. To people I love and care about dearly. Hopefully stepping into this next season with more understanding of who He is and pressing on daily receiving exactly what I need. Nothing more, nothing less. I have learned a lot about myself and about my weakness facing this transition. The areas I'm not so proud to have exposed. So this is me being vulnerable in hopes to encourage anyone who is facing uncertainties or fear.. to remind you of the One who is in control. Who's always got your back and will never leave your side. The one who is good. Who is faithful. Who loves you and who's hand stretched out the heavens. He knows every star in the sky, every hair on your head and exactly what He's doing. Take heart. My prayer is no matter what I face that I would walk in His truth, knowing I will fail and I will stumble but trusting in the One who is able to break the chains and set free those who are in captivity. I also ask that you would pray with me for the next two months here in this place, as my parents come to visit ( YAY!!) and as I walk out this transition for faith to trust and not to fear. For His ways to be made known and that I would follow accordingly. That I would remain in a place of dependence on Him and that I would be purified by His word. Once again, I am grateful for my friends and my family. I could never do this without the accountability of those around me.
One step at a time... 

A glimpse into Huangshi

So over the past few months I have taken random afternoons to walk through out my city and try to capture what is Huangshi. To give all of you more of an idea of where I live and what life is like here. Although I feel like these pictures hardly touch all that this city is but I wanted to share a little of what I see everyday.. I know it has been a really long time since I have given an update but am planning to spend the day blogging away to catch you all up! These pictures are mainly from the parts of the city directly around me..





The infamous street food that makes life so convenient when you just feel like grabbing something quick to eat... I guess you could call it the "fast food" of China! :)

This is by far one of my favorite little treats of the street vendors.. its what I like to call trash can bread and sweet potatoes. YUM! 

 

And this is the product of a construction site used at a dump...so many people, lots of trash and littering.. yep, nothing like clean trash non polluted air to breathe.. ;). Healthy right?! 

This is one of the newest buildings to go up in town. 

Street fruit vendors..one of
my favorite things in
China!

Nothing like grabbing a quick bite to eat on the side of the road for lunch..

They are very cautious drivers here in China.. cant you tell?!

Babies and grandma's hanging out in the park for the day! 

This is a picture of my students getting out of school.. you cant tell from the photo but it literally is like a stampede. 

And this is where I live.. all of the numbers you see everywhere are actually the way people advertiser here. Ha. They are all phone numbers to different businesses. 

View of the city from across the lake. 

Life has been pretty calm over the last few months. I have just been living out daily life, teaching, spending time with friends and doing life with the people around me. I am learning so much and being stretched in ways I could have never seen coming. I have found that in my weakness my flesh has revealed itself and that I am really nothing without Him. Warfare is real. And I have learned more of the truth in our fight not being against flesh and blood but things of the darkness and principalities of this world. Through this knowledge and experience I have also found the truth in His grace, faithfulness and strength. I am completely humbled when I think of everything I have gained through Him in the last eight months. I honestly can't believe its already May!! It feels unreal to think that the last year of my life has flown by, gaining experience, love, independence, confidence and what I know to be a firmer foundation in His truth. Mostly through my own failures and trials I have come to know my creator in new ways. To see His heart, the bigger picture and the eternal purpose of life. Yet I know it is all still only a tiny portion of who He really is and all that He contains. I am honestly overflowing with joy as I think about everything He is doing and all He has done. As I press in for the sweet, loving, and caring people who have taken me in as their own since I arrived, I am believing for the fruit of the work He has begun in this place. I believe in His provision and heart for these people. I believe in His truth as a savior. And I am believing for break through in His saving grace. I have learned that there is something greater in love. Something that goes beyond me. 

I am also very grateful for the body near and far that has believed in who He is in me and who has encouraged me through out each step of this journey. Your love and encouragement has helped me to see His love and faithfulness. To press on even when it felt like I couldn't. For the realness in struggle and hardships in pursuit of the finish line, always directing my vision back to who He is standing at the end. Speaking truth over and into me, building me up and pushing me on. 

I hope you've enjoyed a little glimpse into my city! 

More updates coming soon.. 

The story behind the photos!

So I recently uploaded some photo's to facebook and I wanted a chance to tell the story. The photo's dont seem to want to cooperate with my blog however. But thats okay, you just work with what you have right?! :)

So here's the deal...

Last month I went with one of my best friends Juan Juan (yes, she is Chinese! ha) to the photo shop where SHE was supposed to be choosing the photo's she was going to have done. Well of coarse me being there to HELP HER turned into the stores owner insisting I have a session as well. I was a little skeptical knowing I am by no means a model nor natural in front of the camera. But they convinced me. So their best photographer who had studied in Beijing set it up with me to take the photo's. I was told he is a big deal here in Huangshi because he studied in such a large more western influenced city. So they were all excited. ha.

On the day scheduled I went in around 1pm and left around 9:30pm. It was the whole thing, hair, makeup and they choose my ensembles. That part was a lot of fun! But as you can imagine it was exhausting! I had a really great time with the photographer and all the people who work in the shop. They were entertained by my limited use of Chinese and I loved their attempts at english. They even had some american jams playing through the shop while I was having my pictures taken. It was hilarious, singing and dancing around with them. Seeing as I am not natural in front of a camera at all you can imagine the complications to begin with, add communication barriers in there and you have an entertaining evening full of lots of gestures and motions. :) I was so grateful for my friend Juan Juan who stayed with me the whole time and helped translate and support me. She really is amazing!! I went in with my own ideas of what I was thinking and wanting but like anything here in China the photographer did too and he was certain his ideas were better. So being flexible I just went with it and let him do his thing and they turned out great!

Whats funny is afterwards I had so much more of an appreciation for people who ARE gifted and talented in this way! It was NOT easy!

I really have been so blessed with some really fun exciting things to add to my life experiences in the past 7 months! Who would have thought?!

Another update on Huangshi and life in China coming soon!!

Four letters with a powerful truth

When love comes down things shift. They change. We are made new. When love is given it devastates darkness. It brings forth light. When love is moving everything else is still. It may be a soft whisper, or a loud shout. It may be a slight inkling or a desperate desire. But when it’s Love, when its really love, its power is catastrophic. It is uncontainable, immeasurable and immaculate. Love is more than a feeling or an emotion. Love was a man. A savior. The one who sacrificed Himself for the world. The one who carried the weight of sin upon His own shoulders that we may raise up holy hands, wiped clean of our inequities. Love came in boldness. Love came in power. Love came to save, to build up, to encourage, to call out and to restore. Love covers all sin. The blanket of love is ever going, a reality our minds may never comprehend. Love wins. Love conquers. And love carries. When love is alive it shows up and impacts. It is humble and gentle yet bold and confident. It covers and protects.

Love changes things. It opens our eyes to see and feel its heartbeat. Love leaves us unsettled with this world and hopes towards the finish line of eternity.

Love never fails. HE never fails.

And we have met the end of the journey... Thailand!

Thailand was our final destination! After a VERY long day of traveling, getting off and on all different types of transportation, sitting in the blazing sun, having no clue whats going on and then jumping on yet another van, we arrived in Bangkok. It was a "six" hour trip that took us about 12! haha. So when we got there we were ready to eat and sleep. We randomly picked a restaurant and got something yummy to eat!

Pineapple again...
I was ready to eat some traditional Thai food! :) Chicken Curry rice served in a hallowed out pineapple.
That night we set up the next days adventures, we went on an all day excursion to the Kanchanaburi war Cemetery, to ride the elephants, float down the river, eat lunch, then end the day at the Tiger Temple where we got to pet the tigers.

We just happened to come across this sweet little guy!! So of coarse we had to feed him. :)
I normally am not a fan of cats (sorry for those cat lovers out there) but I kind of fell in love with this one!
This was a bridge that was significant to Thai history, during their war many Thai people were forced to build this bridge for their adversary... here we honestly didn't really know what was going on because we opted out of paying to go to the museum and just kind of walked around. It was such a perfect day and a really beautiful place.


Had to get a shot with the HUGE Buddha in the background...

When we arrived to ride on the elephants they also had these little monkeys just hanging out on their little play area...
Then it was time for the elephant ride...
We went all over their site, down steep hills, up steep hills, in the water, across the field. There were literally times where I was sure I was going to fall off! I was amazed at the strength of these beautiful creatures. They really were so precious.






Hungry after the walk....


Rollin' down the river....

After we got off the river we ate lunch and got back into the van to head to the Tiger Temple.. on our way we stopped at this beautiful water fall. We were there during their dry season so it wasn't very big but we were told during the wet season it covers the entire rock.

Believe it or not this is the SECOND violin this awesome lady had in her hands that day! haha. We ran into two different men playing.. Mel paid them, to play FOR them! She is pretty much killer with an instrument in her hands. :)
Tiger Temple! Before you walk in you actually sign your life away.. haha.. there are wild animals that just kind of roam about everywhere. Luckily they're used to people and pretty much do their own thing but it was a weird feeling to just walk by some of them just hanging out. Here you're seeing some water Buffalo who were escaping the afternoon heat in the water... and a random hog rolling in the mud.. yep, so stereotypical of him but true..

This monk and his tiger were just hanging out, so we went up and talked with him a little..
This tiger really was asleep.. you'll see in the photo's to come that the big tigers are all sleeping in the pictures.. we are sure that they were sedated although we were told the Monks had meditated them to sleep... but the babies were normally awake and this cutie woke up right after we took this picture!
Paul and Bambi...
These big guys were in their own area of the park that sat down in, they obviously weren't just roaming around.. that would be a little more risky I believe... They were however a lot of fun to watch as the jumped on each other and wrestled in the water. I was grateful for the distance once I saw the strength they really have. :) They are such beautiful creatures!!

This was another designated area of the Park.. You had to go in with a helper holding your hand from place to place. There were foreigners who were working with the Tigers along with some of the Monks. Every now and them one of them would move a little or wake up but you could tell they were "sleepy". That aspect was really difficult for me. It was a great experience that I will have forever but the whole time I was just hoping that they were taken care of...Being next to this guy was a test of courage ... he was HUGE. Seriously, he could have hit me with his tail and I'm sure I would have been a goner. haha. They really are massive animals but so unique.


This guy decided it felt better to sleep on his back... :)

Some very large black bears...
Funny looking hogs...
The next day we were off again to the beautiful island of Koh Semet! I requested to spend my birthday on the beach so we headed out the day before to get there and get settled.. This was our boat ride over to the island...

We spent the first day getting settled, going for a swim and the grabbing something for dinner...I dont have a picture of where we stayed but it was this really neat Bungalow home that looked out right onto the ocean.

On my birthday I woke up early and headed to the beach! I spent some amazing time in the Word and then once the others were up we went for a birthday breakfast on the beach.. :)

I had chocolate pancakes and an amazing espresso milkshake! YUM.
Then while I went to the computer lab area to skype with my family and friends to say hey on my birthday (which was a total blessing) they went to work in the sand.. this was our slogan throughout the trip. "Livin the Dream 20-12" I then spent the rest of my day under an umbrella (trying not to fry) ocean side, reading my book. Exactly what I asked for! :) After running around to so many places in such a short time I really wanted some time to relax!
Then later that night we got ready and went out to eat. The island was so cool because most of the restaurants were set up right on the beach! Pretty much anything you needed to access you did from the beach..

I ordered a Burger and fries, something I never have access to here in Huangshi..
Then Paul and Jacqueline found these yummy chocolate pancake type things to make as my cake! :)
24 Represent... ha. I was honestly excited for this birthday, no not just because I was on an Island in Thailand but because I am excited to be older.. weird I know. There is just something in reflecting on the last year of my life that filled me with this incredible hope, joy and gratefulness. I feel like our Father is beginning to give me some direction, restoring old passions and instilling new ones and I feel like I'm ready. I'm ready to move forward and walk towards all He has so why not add a number to my age because I know there is still more to come and THAT, whatever it is, brings me overflowing peace and abundant joy. He has done so much in and around me in this past year and it spurs me on towards the future. Even if I don't know the details of exactly where I'm going or what it will look like, I know Who is with me.
This was one of my favorite things ever.. On the beach they were selling lanterns ( yes, like the ones you see in Tangled) that you could light and send off. I was super excited. This is going to sound totally corny but then again when am I not.. ha.. but as I watched it go further into the distance against the black sky I realized just how much a single light illuminates in the darkness..




After this picture was taken all sorts of illness broke out... it was awful! Melodie had some serious sun poisoning, and Paul and Jac came down with food poisoning... Beau and I somehow managed to escape all of the above... I felt horrible because there was nothing I could do. They all spent the rest of our time there in bed! Since it was out of my control I would occasionally stop in and then go back to sit on the beach... I feel guilty saying this but I think I'm the only one that really enjoyed our time there. haha.

This is where the photo's stop but the last event in Thailand was by far the BEST! After we left the beach we went back and stayed in Bangkok. There we set up an appointment for the next day, to go to the Flight of the Gibbon.. this was a zip line attraction where we actually got to zip line through the rain forest! Poor Mel's feet were too swollen from the burn for her to go so just Paul, Jacqueline, Beau and I set out. This was by far one of the coolest experiences I've ever had. First off I've never been zip lining before and secondly, I have never been in a rain forest! You literally fly through and above the trees, surrounded by the sounds of the rainforest and all the creatures that live in it. You realize just how small you are when you're up there too and how amazing of a creator we have to construct and bless us with such incredible beauty in this world.

The day after zip lining I ended up cutting the trip a little short and flying back into Wuhan with the boys. Beau had to be back for school and I was honestly ready to get home. I had one week before classes to kind of get myself back in order before teaching again and to reflect on all that happened while I was gone.

Although, it has taken me what feels like forever to finish these it has been bitter sweet to look back over all of the events I was apart of in January. It was an experience and a trip that was a once in a lifetime kind of thing. It gave me more of a passion to see the world but also more of an appreciation for traveling. It was a blessing far beyond myself. From the "random" conversations and people we met, to the family I gained in my friends, to the ways He spoke to me in His creation. It was a constant day in and day out of living from a suitcase, running from one place to another, jumping from bus to bus, train to plane and back again.. and it was all worth it!